Bakers.  I come with tidings in this dark hour, and with counsel.

So you’ve done everything the recipe said.  Mixed, kneaded, beat, rested, and in the oven!!

And.

It doesn’t look anything like that damned 2 euro loaf those little bitches hand you so easily and smile.

Fret not.  Your lack of professional-looking glory is not because you suck.

Not entirely, anyway.

It’s because the pros have a secret ring of power.  The steam-injected deck oven.  Boom.

The deck ovens themselves are just what they sound like, long and narrow with stone floors.  They have probably a foot of clearance from top to bottom, and long doors.  This allows for maximum heat concentration and control (especially when the door is opened).

Which is important, because it allows the oven to rage a fiery wrath worse than last night’s szechuan, even with the addition of the next little tidbit…

The steam injection button.  God’s gift to that luscious crispy crust.

Yeah I read you, wtf steam?  The secret to bread is steam?

Steam and consistently blistering heat, yes.  Bathe the dough in steam right after it goes in and it will prevent a crust from immediately forming.  Which allows it to form later as the bread is baking.  The reaction of water and gluten + heat also play a role here, but that’s an explanation that begs a cocktail.

But now that I’ve highlighted you’re pretty much screwed in the crust arena, let me also remind that that is not all we lust after…   Abandon ye so quickly that light airy texture, those beautiful little holes?

Yeast makes bread rise.  Shocker, I know.  But how?  They eat sugar, and poop out CO2 and alcohol.  Well more of a wet fart really.

They live about a week and when they die they ferment, which is both controlled decay and the main flavoring of (plain, or lean) bread.

More fermentation = more flavor.

So (very) basically, when you dig the flavor of bread, you’re lovin’ the piquancy of rotting single-celled organisms.

Sexy.

Despair not!  A tool you do have readily at your disposal is the lack of use of your hands.  Yes, lack.  In most bread recipes they’ll tell you to knead till it’s like a baby’s bottom.

Negative.  The sign of a good baguette are those holes in the bread when you slice into it.  That is actually called “open crumb,” and is a descriptor of how tight the dough/bread is.  And you want your baguette in her late 70’s, not her early 20’s (like say, a brioche for instance).

This is accomplished by mixing/kneading the dough at each stage until it is only just combined, only just shaped.. until you’ve accomplished just what you wanted out of each step, then let her rest and she’ll be very good to you in return.

So I’ve been rolling around how to accomplish most of this at home.  Admittedly by my Chef, you will probably not be able to recreate the same results as an industrial oven, but here are my thoughts…

Set oven on destruct and cook on a pizza stone (that has been preheating for quite a while, not just when the oven signals it’s ready).  I considered a grill, but I think you’re going to lose too much heat when you open the lid.  Blah blah all the kneading stuff I said earlier, but when it comes oven time I’m thinking mist your bread with a spray bottle riiight before you put it in.  The motion of opening/shutting the oven door needs to be super tiger-style speedy, and let it bake.

When’s it done?  When it temps at 185 degrees (F).

Why?  Cause that’s the temperature gluten coagulates at.

You’re welcome for that awesome nerd moment right there 😉

In all seriousness, I’m a huge proponent of making your own food at home, and for breads like focaccia and brioche absolutely, but something like a baguette or a french loaf with that beautiful crust, just go to the bakery and get it fresh.

Done the right way, this takes at least a few hours to do, and we just don’t have the right tools in the home kitchen.  Can you get pretty close?  Yeah!  It will take experimentation and time. If you have the patience and a few bottles of wine, I say go for it 🙂