There is a relatively tacky chain restaurant that we frequent probably more often than we should- mostly because they have a wide selection of beer, decent food, awesome bartenders, and are good about food allergies.

For those that may not know, I have a raging mushroom intolerance.

No, an intolerance isn’t an allergy, but it’s somewhat in the same category.

I personally think it’s worse because there’s no magical benadryl pill that can make intolerances better; you just get to embrace the suck with puking, shitting, and abdominal cramps way the fuck worse than that one time you took the number 5 spicy wing challenge and chased them with a cocky rooster.

So.  At said relatively tacky yet oddly Cheers-esque bar, there is a dish I’ve always wanted to try which involves noodles, lobster, shrimp, garlic, and of course, shiitakes.

A little further education:  shiitakes are the kiss of death for mushrooms intolerances.  They once landed me on my ass crapping green goo and barely being able to hold down pedilite for a week.  Not super pleasant.  I was actually convinced I was on my way to the pearly gates during that little session, so you can imagine it’s not something I’d want to repeat.

So again.  On menus, if a food item even has the “S” word in it as an ingredient I wave off completely.

Today I got bold.

I ordered my lobster noodles sans the evil (yet unfairly delicious) beasties and threw caution to the line cooks.

And it arrived, smelling delicious and successfully free of puke-inducing ticking time bombs.

Joy.

Delicately wielding my chopsticks, I tasted it.

Crushing disappointment.

It was over-seasoned.  It was eh.  Too much soy, which meant it was too salty.  And as you might have judged by the ingredients, it wasn’t the cheapest item on the menu.

Moral of the story:  Order something to drown your impending depression in and think not what that dish can do for you, but what you can do for that dish.

Box it up, take it home, and take the to-go bag challenge.

I had salty, expensive noodles as my starter.  Frankly I usually put a dash of soy sauce in my tomato sauce anyway, so tonight I decided to work backwards and made a quick tomato sauce from onion, garlic, and a can of fire-roasted tomatoes.  Buzzed them, added a drizzle of honey (sweet balances salt, as does acid), but no salt.

Tossed my original noodles in my new sauce to warm, and had dinner.  With 3 bucks I saved, and enjoyed, my meal.

Is this a new concept?  No.  But it’s a valid option that we often forget.

We don’t all have the luxury of time to send something back and order again.  And sometimes it’s hard to send something back when it’s not really bad, but not really good either.

So you’re left in that void of having a mediocre meal and thinking to yourself with every bite you could have made something better at home.

So make something better at home.. cause let’s be honest, you’re not sending it back.