Two friends of mine, independently, sent me the same article over the weekend–Scientists blame working mums for UK’s child obesity epidemic in shocking paper that claims their kids eat more and move less.

Wow that word “blame” really catches you doesn’t it.

The source of the article probably isn’t super reputable, hence the spin, but the study they were spinning was interesting.  It involved 20,000 families and claimed to directly link working moms with their child’s weight.  Directly…

The study also found that this effect only took place with working mothers; whether the father worked or not was irrelevant.  What this is implying is that most of the weight of feeding a family still falls on the adult female, regardless of societal changes in their work/time-available status.

Here’s the deal.  We as a world- not country- world, have been into women shaming, work shaming, and food shaming long before the idea that women could potentially contribute to society in a meaningful way, in addition to child-rearing, surfaced.  (Google anti-suffrage images if you’re morbidly curious)

In our particular country, we have a very idealistic view of families in the 1950’s; women taking care of everything, cooking wholesome meals, etc., but the reality wasn’t that sugar-coated.  With new technology taking over previously time-intensive home tasks that had required someone working in the home for family survival, many women during this new era were bored and unhappy; and with the beginnings of processed and prepackaged foods many meals weren’t cooked from “scratch” either.  As in many other sectors, technology took away a women’s traditional jobs… but they were still expected to show up in the same place to “do” the same work.

That, my friends, is called a wasted labor force.

Maybe it sounds great at first, potentially having all this “free” time…  but most people don’t desire to lead purposeless lives.  Is free time in a box really free?  Ok before the freak out, let me say that yes, raising children is a phenomenal purpose (one of the best actually), and one that I am fully vested in and dearly love myself.

However over the span of someone’s life that realistically only comprises a short time of active engagement.  I say for that period do your absolute best raising them, but what about the other 40- 60 years?  This is the hidden problem, and one of the reasons women seek to enter the work force- to contribute and find purpose, just like we’re all driven to do.  And heck, at the very least it’s something interesting to do.

As a society it’s time we woke up to the idea that women are in-fact, a meaningful part of the workforce now, and that’s just not a bell that can be unrung.  Sure change is scary, but it’s here, and it’s here to stay.  The end, get over it.  Move on.  That sounds catty and harsh, but it’s meant to garner attention because these are the bare, practical, bones we need to process to move on and be productive as a society.  Together.

Note I am solely addressing gender in the workplace here; this obviously can be applied to color, race, sexual orientation, you name it.  Regardless, two things need to happen– first, those incumbent in the workplace need to accept and move forward from the fear of change (which is usually the driver behind negative or sexist comments and harassment, etc.).

Second, those entering the workplace with these incumbents need to have a little tolerance and understanding that change is really friggin scary (and it’s still relatively new).  Instead of feeling the need to prove we belong and immediately bowing up against resistance in a ‘you owe me’ kind of way, how about we try our best to be valuable assets (like we wanna be) and show, not force, that working together we can all be better by bringing our unique capabilities to the table and merging them.

Neither one of these approaches will always work because some people are just assholes, but it’s better than nothing.

Wow, so that’s a lot to take in and process as the world changes; let’s pile on–

The era of personal responsibility with what we shove down our gullets and feed our children has begun.  It doesn’t, can’t, and unless your family has a specific (discussed) agreement, won’t, ever fall on one person in the household ever again. 

The bell has rung, get past it.  Move on.  We can bury our heads in the sand if we want to but that doesn’t change the fact that this is society’s new norm.  It’s here, now.  Families can live in a more “traditional” way these days if they choose, but now it has to be a choice.  An agreed upon by both parties choice; not an assumption or forced on either party in some attempt to recapture the idea of a time that can never exist again.

The new mealtime question now becomes, what are WE feeding our children tonight?  We.  And that question should involve the children too, to teach them how to fend for themselves amidst all this fake crap peddled as food when they leave the nest.  Yup, that was my idealistic plug there.

Regardless, this isn’t a driveling piece about making the choice to eat healthy and feeding our children well; if you want to eat junk, eat junk. 

 Just step up and take responsibility for the choice.  

We have to stop the blame game, stop the shame game, stop the finger-pointing.  If you eat junk (and can afford not to), it’s no one’s fault but your own.  If you feed your kids junk, it’s your choice.  If you’re in a two-parent family, it’s BOTH of your choices.  Own it.

We can all come back and talk about time available yada yada yada, but the bottom line is everyone is busy.  Everyone around us has x, y, and z going on in their own way.  You are not a special snowflake that is busier than the person/family next to you.  Our time is what we chose to spend it on, and that’s it.

Every minute and meal is our choice, and that feels good.  It feels really good.  We own that choice.  Let’s not waste our precious time pointing fingers at a progress that’s here to stay– and is frankly, highly beneficial in many ways.  Let’s take responsibility instead.  Let’s take it upon ourselves to care about what our kids are having for dinner tonight, instead of blaming someone else for why they ate crap yesterday.

Let’s un-shame dinner and share it instead.

Come on over, grill’s hot.