I have another one in the hopper about all this that I wrote weeks ago, but it’s been too raw to post.  I will, when I can.

But I wanted to get this down first… about parents, and kids, and how all of our roles have changed in these last months.

Everything that’s happened has been a lot to take in and adjust to.  More and more I see these snarky posts about parents “getting what they deserve,” and I’m kinda like, really?  Of course in some ways it makes me chuckle; the parents who shoot out kids without thought and then don’t take the time to raise their offspring –the latter of which end up being a-holes as a result of being pawned off on other people to raise them, or always having a screen shoved in their face– are now stuck with their brat kids.

Sure.  I get that, and it does make me chuckle.  However I’m gonna tell you, as a parent now having been exposed to “these people” and “these situations,” the true cases of this actually happening are much fewer than people without kids often realize.  I didn’t until I had one.

So those special snowflake cases aside, the truth is right now our children have had their whole worlds taken away from them– including the social interactions they’ve come to depend on (or in the case of young love, were hoping for), or in my case with a 5-yr-old, the people she played zombie attack with (tag), or got to pretend out all these things in her brain with.

Two months ago, I was just trying to figure it all out.  She was in Pre-K, loving it because unlike her parents she’s incredibly social, and I was in school myself.  I knew I would have the time she was in school for my own work.  I mention that because it’s an important factor in this new paradigm; their schooling at higher levels than Pre-K in our country is compulsory.  Meaning, parents have made other obligations assuming their kids are required to be somewhere else during that time.  Most often, that obligation is used to earn an income for the family.

So, when I see all these bullshit posts about parents getting what they deserve I really just don’t understand it.  Deserve what?  Right now, for a parent, there is more put on their shoulders than can be done in a 24-hour day.  All the meals, all the house maintenance inside and out (laundry, cleaning, lawns, gardening, etc.) the child’s education (and this varies by grade level here, and with multiple children and potential special needs), no breaks, no babysitters, self care if possible (let’s be honest, that’s the first thing to slide), and working a full-time job from home…

And, the hidden element; everything a kid needs emotionally after being cut off from their outside lives.

For a parent of a younger kid, this means filling the roll of their friend on top of everything else I just mentioned– sitting upstairs in the lower bunk and playing whatever comes to their minds (building wooden rainbows with moon and stars going on in their room, playing “I’m a puppy,” painting and drawing together, tag, sprinklers, and all the other goof-off outlets she used to have with her friends).

It means doing something unprecedented in parenting; forfeiting the roll of parent in lieu of full-up friend in certain situations because our kids have no friends to turn to, and we need to help them through this.  

I’m not talking about ‘parent friend’, when we do fun activities with them that we’re still somewhat guiding, I’m talking about ‘friend friend’ where it’s an imagination free-for-all for an extended period of time and they have the reigns like they would when interacting with their age group.  There is a distinct difference between these two things.

It’s not their fault this has happened, and most of them aren’t old enough to understand it.  But they do understand they are now alone.

For me, it means freely saying yes (read: not worrying about everything else that needs to be done with that time) to the question, “Hey mommy you want to read in my lower bunk?” …knowing full well that actually means some reading and an hour of goofing off with whatever her imagination comes up with, be it playing dragons or her showing me her skills at climbing her new bunk bed ladder or or or or… Or all the things she needs to share with someone as a 5-yr-old who can’t play with her friends anymore.

The older kids are hurting too; the teenagers are hurting too.  We want to believe FaceTime and Zoom are enough but they’re not.  You can’t have the secret conversations best friends have over Zoom; you can’t flirt with your crush you were finally hoping would ask you to prom over FaceTime.

So, everyone is angry.  And the parents are the shit-catchers and the punching bags and the filters and the umbrellas and the pasting-together-of-everything-ers of a lot of this.

Which, is fine.  We’re good.  We love our families and our kiddos and you know what, I love my daughter so much it hurts (although if I could go for an hour without hearing “mooooom” I’d be ok too hahahahahahaha).  We’re making it happen like magic awesomeness glittery rainbow unicorns and we’re basically total badasses.  I have learned so much about myself during this time it’s insane, and I love seeing how strong the people around me have become.

So, if you don’t have kids and feel like spewing negativity, I would encourage you to shut your hole, go (or stay) home, and enjoy your quiet life; this doesn’t concern you.  I respect your decision to not procreate, but we got this without you and your bullshit.  However, if you would like to help, even with a kind word, please do cause we’re all trying our best and could use it.  If you have no kind words then do nothing!  Really, nothing at all.  Especially speak.

If you are a parent still holding people to Pinterest standards, which was dumb in the first place, I would encourage you to shut your hole, go (or stay) home, and try to enjoy your life in reality.  The rest of us got this without you and your bullshit.  However, if you would like to help, even with a kind word, please do cause we’re all trying our best and could use it.  If you have no kind words then do nothing! Really, nothing at all.  Especially, speak.

Parents aren’t “getting what’s coming to them,” they literally have more on their plates than one person can accomplish in a day, with obligations they made in good faith.  Remember that.  No one ever said, be prepared to take a job assuming your kid would one day, suddenly, need to be homeschooled for months on end.  That you would have to quit your job or your school obligations at a moment’s notice to figure it all out if you had no other options.  In the state we currently reside in, they closed schools on a Sunday afternoon.*  Take in the implications of that for a moment.

As for us two, we’re good.  I would be lying if I said the last two months have been an easy road, but it’s been a road and in the end, one I’ve gotten to spend with my daughter so that’s very winning.  As her mom, and as her friend who likes dragons and dancing as much as she does, and now gets to enjoy them with her much more than “normal” life would have allowed.  My house needs to be cleaned, and I struggle to make sure the lawn gets mowed and meals get made and the puppy gets walked so she doesn’t chew things, and and and and and…  but, dragons.

And smiles of friendship.

*  Do I think it was the right decision for everyone’s health?  Yes, I very much do.  Do I think it could have be executed better?  Yes, I very much do.